The following horoscopes are only for fun and you shouldn’t base any real life decisions on them.
Aries (March 21 – April 19): Work will be filled with tension this week. You will be tempted to tell them to ram it! Don’t, you will still need them for a reference.
Taurus (April 20 – May 21) : Your Taurus will need to go in for repairs. Don’t accept the first guy’s offer, they are full of bull. Leave it with the third guy, he is not trying to rip you off.
Gemini (May 21-June 21) : Things are identical to last week. Except this week, you will break up with your cheating boyfriend.
Cancer (June 21-July 22): The reason you are so crabby this week is because you lent your friend, your Taurus and they wrecked it, Aries is driving you crazy at work and Gemini won’t shut up about her boyfriend. Take a break from all of them and you will be fine
Leo (July 23-August 22) : Things are roaring at a nice clip for you. Work is going well. You and your girlfriend are talking marriage and you beat you nephew on Call of Duty, granted it is the first Call of Duty, but it still counts!
Virgo (August 23-September 22): You will be starting a virginal time of your life. New house, new job, new significant other.
Libra (September 23-October 23): Your life is on an even keel. Which means it is super boring. There is nothing new or exciting happening to you. You get up most mornings and wish someone would shoot you already. But don’t worry, it is so far downhill, it cannot get any worse either.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21) : You might have to bring your stinger out this week. Leo and Virgo are bragging about how great their lives are, Libra is depressing with his life story and no one cares that your Gemini girlfriend just broke up with you! Cheating! Ha! She was the one that was cheating!
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21) : This whole week you will keep watching episodes of Arrow. You will also sign up for archery classes and get a green suit. Stephen Amell will take out a restraining order on you.
Capricorn (December 22-January 20) : Stephen Amell will ask you out, but you tell him, no, you already have someone. Besides, you see him enough from your kid watching Arrow 24/7. He finds out you are friends with that Sagittarius nutjob who is stalking him. Don’t worry you will never hear from him again. In the meantime, work is going really well for you.
Aquarius (January 20-February 19) : Since you are always thirsty for water, you have broken down and ordered Sparkletts. The Sparklettt’s guy is really hot, sort of reminds you of Stephen Amell. He asks you out. You agree. Just don’t tell him about your Sagittarius and Capricorn buddies because it really is Amell from his time off from Arrow and if you tell him, you will never see him again.
Pisces (February 19-March 20): Things are fishy for you right now. Your friends are not talking to you right now because you think Aquaman is way better than Green Arrow. Your fish, Arthur Curry, died and SeaWorld called, they said they hired someone else.